2017-07-28
AT&T
Corporate captivity as Stockholm syndrome. Automated phone trees, hold music, and the absurdity of modern customer service.
AI-generated work shared as a creative journal. Not for commercial distribution.
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AT&T
Corporate captivity as Stockholm syndrome. Automated phone trees, hold music, and the absurdity of modern customer service.
33 tracks
Original Recording on Instagram
Lyrics
[PHONE TREE INTRO – dialing tones + corporate recording] beep… beep… boop… Thank you for calling AT&T Para español, oprima el dos Please listen carefully, as our menu options have changed AT&T… you make me sick Callin' up your robotic automated shit That ain't it I told you my account number "Not relevant" You stallin' We both know I want a live agent I mean my internet's down And this is not 1980 Wi-Fi's like oxygen Not extra gravy Don't play me Yes, I restarted the modem Another technician Man, my head's explodin' Well okay, I guess When can I expect him? Three days from now And he'll need to check my rectum? Oh, that's funny 'Cause you really like to screw us I mean I knew this But you just about to lose us [FAKE HOLD MUSIC BREAK – beat keeps groovin'] ♪ doo-doo-doo… doo-doo-doo… ♪ Your call is very important to us ♪ doo-doo-doo… ♪ Please stay on the line ♪ doo-doo-doo… doo-doo-doo… ♪ Shit dawg I guess I'll never leave you Been through so much already I'm scared that I would grieve too I'll search for Comcast See it sucks ass Then come back beggin' for a pass A discount? Off my monthly bill? I guess that will Satisfy me For real But still Let's prorate it for the service that I missed, dude It's really only fair After everything I've been through [CORPORATE VOICE – same beat, overly cheerful] Thank you for calling AT&T We truly value your business Your issue is very important to us Please stay on the line
Interpretation
A satirical takedown of modern customer service hell. The track captures the absurdity of automated phone systems, impossible wait times, and corporate gaslighting through humor and exasperation. The speaker navigates the familiar nightmare: account numbers ignored, technician appointments days away, hold music loops, and the ultimate Stockholm syndrome of staying with a terrible provider because alternatives are worse. The Spanish greeting ("Para español, oprima el dos") grounds the piece in specific corporate reality. The fake hold music break and corporate outro underscore how companies perform care while delivering frustration. Emotional arc: frustration → rage → resignation → sardonic acceptance.